Tuesday, 16 December 2008

At First...

"At first I was afraid
I was pesticide..."


OK, we knew right there that it wasn't Gloria Gaynor singing I Will Survive.

Instead, it was the at times phonetically or lyrically challenged singer of a self-described "expensive" band at our friend Jen's wedding.

I'll pause here while you dear readers try to come to terms with the concept of singing a classic disco song of break-up and empowerment at a wedding reception. I always thought this is the song that should be played at divorce receptions, except that I don't see too many of those. Maybe we should encourage them. With the economy in tatters, this would be a good way to jump start it; especially in California, where the passage of Prop 8 has meant a huge loss of business for the wedding industry. Since half of all marriages end in divorce, this would be a real boon. Just an idea...

Anyway, Edson and I were at the wedding, remember?We were at our table with Val and Marje to our right:And PJ and Rhandy to our left:
And after we all heard the singer mangle the first lines of the song we couldn't listen to it anymore to hear what else she'd mess up in the process. She did emphasize that this was the song of the evening; the one we'd all been waiting for at that.

Oh my.

Just previous she had tried in vain to get a poor friend of the groom from the Netherlands or Germany to sing part of a Carpenters medley, not counting on him having absolutely no clue as to what the lyrics of Sing were. I guess the Carpenters didn't enjoy the same popularity in Europe as in the U.S., Japan and the Philippines. Just about every CD shop in Japan and the Philippines still has an extensive and ever-growing collection of Carpenters titles, and I think she believed that to be the case worldwide. Of course, since he was white, he's automatically assumed to be American here. The singer wasn't paying much attention to begin with. She couldn't remember the names of the bride and groom when she wished them well, and the groom's surname of Müller apparently wasn't much of a tip off for her either.

Anyway, she had an OK voice, so she doesn't need to have a clue. Though she did look a bit like a black-haired version of Ursula in Disney's the Little Mermaid:We were all convinced that no gay people had a hand in planning and producing this wedding. It's a well-known and time-proven fact that heterosexuals aren't good at these things, and it was proven all the more that evening when the hostess made people get up and play a game.

Yes, a game.

At a wedding reception.

And it involved the participants removing their shoes, holding each others shoes over their heads in response to inane questions posed by the control-freak hostess. In her past, somebody really should have given her some hyperactive children on a sugar high to inflict this torture upon so we wouldn't have had to go through it that evening. The game was so complicated that I believe you could explain the intricacies of baseball in less time than she went over the rules of this game. It felt like you could have played a few innings in less time as well.

Anyway, I should have figured I was going to get something blog-worthy from the day when on our way there we passed by a school building that had a sign painted across it which read: This is a Child-Friendly School.

Um, I hate to break it to them, but shouldn't that be a given?? What do they do in other schools? Do they put the doorknobs up at the top of the door? Locate urinals halfway up the wall? Place kiddie chairs in front of adult-height tables?

If I went to a school like that, I know what I'd be:

Petrified!

1 comment:

kiko said...

hahaha Ursula! we're all thinking about the same character that she reminded us of....