Saturday, 16 February 2008

Protest to Improve the Economy!

Protest to Improve the Economy!

That's my new idea. It came to me yesterday as I watched what eventually swelled to a crowd of thousands assemble together to protest the rampant corruption in the government (no, not're getting ahead of me!) of Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo.

Anyway, as I watched the crowd swell, chanting, banners and flags fluttering, drums beating a beat far hipper than most marching bands usually do, and the bells of ice cream vendors vying to be heard through it all, it struck me.

No, I wasn't struck by a vendor's bell! The idea struck me, came to me, dawned upon me....whatever.

Since the US economy is stuck in recession, unemployment is up, people are losing their homes and cars and plasma screen televisions they overextended themselves to buy so they could show off to their neighbors, the government plans to borrow billions of dollars from China to give it a boost, the citizens should protest.

Encourage as many people as you can to protest.

It doesn't even matter what it is you protest. It could be the economy or corruption in Washington, but obviously nobody really cares about that. Protest that there aren't any TV shows in black and white anymore. Protest the absence of calamari on McDonald's menu. Or you could try a protest against the government (good luck!) like the Filipino people did Friday. It wouldn't be as big a protest as against the dominance of color television programming, but urge protests.

Once you have people organizing a protest, here's what is most important to my plan: You sell something to the protesters! That's right. Look, these people must have money! They're out protesting instead of working! People without a job or insurance have no time to protest. They need two or three jobs just to make ends meet. They can't be out protesting. They could get hurt, which means medical bills they can't afford and time away from work. They'd have to cut back on even more in life, like food. These people won't protest. You'll be selling to upper-middle class people and above at these protests.

Like in Makati yesterday, sell ice cream. There were six or seven guys there selling ice cream. Since it's a high-end crowd, you'll want to go with Häagen-Dazs. Or coffee...only Starbucks for those yuppie lemmings! These people will be hungry and thirsty! Croissants, Krispy Kreme, hot dogs....the list goes on, readers!

Just like at any self-respecting sporting event today, no one will be allowed in with an "outside" beverage or food item, so all that thirst and hunger will be yours to profit from.

Now all you have to do is get lazy, self-absorbed and ill-informed Americans out of their homes to do something besides shopping.

I know! Tell them someone from American Idol will be there! More Americans vote for their favorite Idol contestant than for the President of the United States, so if that won't get their asses in gear, nothing will!

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